TGIAF

Today was short and sweet.

Phrase I wish I hadn't overheard "yeah, that diarrhea was the most disgusting thing I ever tasted." God I love high school students!

I have some anxious seniors tomorrow, and a number of recommendation letters to do this weekend, but overall, I'm feeling great!

Whew

All I gotta say is...thank goodness I did Senior Parent Nite last night and not tonite. It feels great to have it out of the way.

That, and today was an EXCELLENT day. OK, as close to excellent as possible. I went to an IEP meeting that put people a bit on edge because of the family's negative past experience with the high school. It's tough finding a balance between respecting the history, and everyone giving each other a chance to prove that this time around with the second child is different. I don't think the parents are ready at this point to approach this situation without the barbs in and the claws out, but I'm optimistic this will improve as we move forward.

The best part of today was seeing some of the kids who help out around the office. One student, a sophomore, has come SUCH a long way from last year. Last year, he could not make it through an entire day going to class. He was so scared, that he would spend the bulk of the day in our office and go home early. This year, he came in a couple weeks ago, beaming, saying "Guess what, I just made it through my first week of going go ALL my classes!" He was so excited, and we were so excited for him! How great! Today, he was helping out in our office with another student (who is also just wonderful), and they started talking about classes and teachers. It was the first time I'd seen him interact with another kid, and it was not stressed or awkward.

He also was comfortable enough to joke around with me....He told me I sounded like a robot when I was leaving a voicemail for a parent, so after the next voicemail I left, I said "was that better? I tried to include a little more inflection." and both students and I had a great laugh. It's just so great to see him doing so much better this year, and to see him making connections with other kids. I know I may be sounding like a broken record, but god I love my job.

Parent Nite for Seniors...

I just got home a little while ago, and I am BEAMING. I dread Senior Parent Nite, but I LOVE it. I get energized to talk to a good-size crowd about stuff I know and want to share. It's the perfect combination of performance-comedy-and information: my ideal environment! I love performance. I love helping others. This felt great. It also reminds me how most of my parents are great, and reminds me not to dwell too much on, or get too frustrated about, the ones who have a more difficult time with civilized discourse.

This was a good time for this reminder because I was frustrated with a situation with a different parent. The father had gone to my supervisor, saying they felt I lied to them about not receiving their earlier communication, and wondering why I took so long to get their child's schedule changed when another counselor did it in no time at all. It's a complex situation, and I won't bore you with the details, but what it comes down to, is all the work the student and I did took a long time (getting signatures to get approval to switch courses), and the other counselor was able to change the schedule immediately because the student brought her the form with all the appropriate signatures. The "getting" of the signatures takes time. The "making" of the change afterwards is quick. The other counselor made the change because I was in a meeting. Also, the "lying" part had to do with the fact that the father never emailed me - the mother had. The mother has a different last name than the father and child, and at that point, I had so many emails flying around that the name hadn't clicked with me. I told him the truth when I spoke with him: I had not gotten an email from him; but I did get emails from the mom and had been in communication with her.

OK, so this wasn't such a short explanation, but what it comes down to, is the frustration I feel with people going behind my back to lodge a complaint with someone else without being confident or forthright enough to bring it to my attention so we can clear the air. I think it's a cowardly and disrespectful process: complain to a superior about their subordinate so they "handle" the problem (and all the awkward/frustrating feelings that go along with it) so the person themself does not have to deal with these feelings: they just get the "solution" in a nicely wrapped, sterile package at the end.

But, to end the post on a high note, it was a great day - had a lot of great students come in, lots of laughs with my department at our meeting, and great reminders all day about how much I love this job, and how much I love my co-workers and my "clients". I think back to this time four or five years ago, and I was miserable in a corporate job, on the fast track to becoming a Chief Information Officer. Really gives pause to what real "success" is all about - is it the title of the job, or the size of your smile and heart at the end of the day?

Eyeball Madness

Today I got the nuts and bolts check up at my doctors. Needless to say, it was a late morning start at work. I felt productive, meeting with several seniors, and writing a recommendation letter.

I met with a colleague to discuss our presentation for parent nights for seniors this week, when my contact popped out of my eye. Well, to be more specific, half my contact popped out of my eye. The other one was still in there, and she had to help me get it out. Three and a half hours after I got to work, I left again, driven to my home by my colleague so I could get another contact lens. Whatta day!

I was just thinking today how important it probably is for some of my kids to hear me tell them "I care about you, and want to help." I do care a lot about my kids, and tell them, especially when they seem to have lost hope or shut down. Two such kids, who I never really saw last year, came by a lot (3-4 times) this year already, ostensibly for scheduling stuff, but one can tell when that's not the (only) reason. Makes me feel good inside. Hope it makes them feel good, valued, and worth it, because they are.

End-of-the-week blur

Wow, has it really been Wednesday since I've posted? Guess the end of the week was pretty crazy, mostly because of out-of-work things that sprung up. Surprise visit from my family, grandma's birthday, no internet access. That pretty much sums it up. I think that's a worthwhile reason for not posting, don't you? :) I miss my family.

Well, like I said in previous posts, I can barely remember what happens at the end of a day, not to mention remembering things that happened in previous days, so all I can say is, at least there were no fires to put out. Lots more meetings with seniors (college) and freshmen (how's the transition). Got asked to be an advisor for several groups. Found out from one senior that he wanted to start a group because it would look good on his resume. Dug further and found that he didn't think he had anything "unique" and therefore wanted to start a group. Had a long conversation with him about delving into what he finds interesting because that makes him "unique" without him having to try to make a concerted effort. I hate what the college process can do to kids.

Another interesting case is researching UK schools for another one of my students who will be moving back at the end of this year.

Working on recommendation letters. Boy I wish I could find a way to be able to do them at school - there's too many interruptions for me to keep my train of thought on one, so they are all being done at home right now.

Letters of Recommendation

Little known fact (to me starting out last year):

Guidance counselors write recommendations for more than just colleges. We also write recommendations for National Merit Scholar nominees, military academy candidates, summer school hopefuls, semester-abroad programs, students looking to transfer out of our school, and more. That can be a lot of recommendations.

This year, I have roughly 50-60 seniors. I shouldn't complain: with a caseload that's about half the national average (500 students), I am privileged in my ability to know my students well. I need to constantly remind myself of this fact as I grudgingly dust off my creative writing hat and churn the butter, so to speak. I love this part of my job, as I enjoy creating a story - a snippet- about a student who I care about, to teach institutions how wonderful they are. I just wish it were spread out over the course of the entire school year, or at least more evenly distributed between early decision/action students (of which there is an ever increasing number) who require their materials by October/November, and regular decision/rolling students who require their materials by January/February.

First one to be done this week...wish me luck.

Point of the Blog

My original intent of the blog was to write cheeky posts that would give readers insight into my profession. I wanted it to be a humorous and surface-view of the profession.

I think it is becoming more of a "processing" blog for me, meaning I use it more to sort out my ideas and feelings on what happened throughout the day since I don't have time during the day to do this. It's a way for me to assess how I did that day and if I need to assess my assumptions or motivations (like today). I think being able to process this stuff is integral in an emotionally-intense and draining profession like guidance counseling.

I think some posts will be more cheeky and light than others depending on where I'm at that day, but hopefully it'll be readable either way. I wouldn't want to mis-represent the profession by making it generic fluff. You should know what guidance counselors do.

Conversations I wish I hadn't overheard...

..."were they caught masturbating together?"

Today was a great day, partially because it slowed down a bit, but mostly because I stood corrected on an incorrect perception I had of the parent I spoke of yesterday. Based on her demands echoed through her son; based on my co-worker's perception of her attitude/actions when she came in early yesterday to wait; and based on my previous experience with parents who exhibit similar behavior, I braced myself for a rude, demanding encounter. What I got was a pleasant, concerned, and understanding parent.

The way a person says "hi" is a good indication of what to expect: whether their smile and affect is genuine, or whether it is more "let's get these pleasantries out of the way and get to business", or "I'm gonna cream you".

Another great indicator of personality is, as I said before, how a person responds to not getting "what they want". Some will kick and scream before I can finish my explanation of the circumstances. Others will afford me the luxury of finishing my statement but jump in with both sleeves rolled up immediately after. Still others understand constraints that cannot be magically removed, and brainstorm other possibilities along with me instead of waiting for me to present solutions for them to shoot down. I guess what it comes down to, is some parents feel the need to hang onto the upper edge in the power dynamic while others are more willing to share. This is perhaps due to their past experiences with the school and how they have been able (or not been able) to collaborate.

I actually had time today to work on my schedule. I tried palm pilots, I tried our calendar application, I tried paper, I tried a combination of all three. I have a new paper-based system right now which works well because it contains a monthly calendar; and daily calendar that includes before, during, and after school times. I know this sounds trivial and basic, but bouncing from a monthly/weekly calendar, and a school calendar, makes an on-the-go job that much more difficult to manage. I'm diggin' this.

A Day for Musings

It's funny how I cannot remember anything but the current day when people ask how my week has been. There are so many different things to juggle in a day, that it's hard to remember anything from previous days. Which is why I love my job. I love that it's so different every hour of every day that it doesn't get old. Today for example, here are the things I remember doing:

* 2 senior meetings to discuss college options
* meeting with junior to figure out lunch schedule snafu and schedule change
* scheduled in an independent study for a student
* scheduled un-scheduled seniors into additional senior sessions
* prepped for senior sessions
* printed schedules out for two students who lost theirs
* worked out issue with registering for SAT II's with a junior
* taught senior career prep session
* 2 senior meetings to check graduation requirements/fix schedules
* checked in with a senior on the summer
* return voicemails
* return emails
* discussed several students with administrator
* discussed Special Ed teacher conflict with student currently on IEP
* met with department

As discrete tasks, this doesn't sound like much, but imagine them overlapping with each other, with constant interruptions to address other students. Being a guidance counselor means having the expectation that the job is all about being able to switch gears: switch gears often and quickly. I. LOVE. IT.

My only frustration today came from a parent who had come early to try and meet with me. She came at 7am with her son. They waited until 7:45 (start of class) and then left. My workday typically starts at 7:30, and this day, I had gone directly from the parking lot to a meeting.

A patient wouldn't go into a doctor's office half an hour before they opened and expect to see a doctor immediately to resolve an issue on the spot. They would call and make an appointment because they wouldn't assume that the doctor would be able to see them right away. I feel badly the parent and kid had to wait, but I know all this could have been avoided if the parent had just thought to send me an email or call and ask to set up a time to meet, as opposed to assuming that I will be at her beck and call.

It shows a lack of respect and knowledge about the job of a school counselor. We get to school early and leave late because these are the times we use to "process" paperwork, get work done behind the scenes, and return emails that we can't get to during the day because we're busy directly servicing students and parents. People coming in unannounced and assuming immediate action takes away that time we set aside to resolve other issues in the works.

Anyway, I am not being too eloquent at this point in time. My main frustration is this profession be valued but not respected. It is akin to the book written about the nanny to wealthy Manhattanites - where she is held responsible for others' issues, thereby releasing them from the emotional stress of dealing with their own issues, and allowing them to place the blame for not getting done the impossible, on her. It's about being pushed into enabling others because it's easy although it's not right.

What a Great Day!

...and not only because it leads into the weekend! I left work today singing under my breath, and grinning a big grin. Just what a great day. My favorite part? The very end. A student came in after school - freshman, new transfer student. Big smile, great laugh, great personality. He came by to introduce himself a couple days ago as well. That takes guts - I would have never done that when I was 14, especially if I were new to a school. Would you?

So he just sat down and we just started chit chatting. He happened to see the SAT word magnets I had stuck on my desk drawers, and we spent the next 20 minutes with him picking off the magnets, reading the words he didn't know aloud, and me typing the words into Microsoft Word and checking the dictionary. Other times, I'd give him a sentence using the word so he could guess the meaning. It was just a great time and one of the best parts of my jobs: making a student feel like there's a safe place to go to in school, and making them feel cared-for, because they are. Caring about people is the best (and sometimes most difficult) part of my job.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the day today comes from the college counselor of one of my students. Granted, my student paraphrased it, but essentially, the college counselor said that since my student has a lower-than-average GPA, he should apply to more expensive second-tier schools to avoid ending up going to school with "typical" lower-than-average GPA students who tend to "do drugs" and "be high school drop-outs", since he is "not like that".

I'll have to sit with that for a bit...

Rolling Along...

Things are getting better...schedule craziness is getting ironed out, so instead of working on solutions with freaked-out kids, I am setting them up with new schedules based on what changes were 'accepted' by the administration. Thankfully, most kids were able to get what they needed.

I was better at saying "no" to students who received everything they requested and who still were not happy with their choices. I think one of the most important things kids (and adults) can learn, is making informed decisions and being responsible for the decisions they make. Right now, these kids are learning that they don't have to put that much thought into their decisions because they can always change their mind and get what they want when they decide they want it. Not a life-long trait I think will benefit them, their family, friends, or community.

Positives for today? Finally got to my "to do" pile which was about a foot high. I didn't get to complete anything in it, just sort through it. Also, got through 100 emails today that were piled up from the summer. Thank goodness I type quickly. Other positives, the best ones, were seeing my students and seeing them grow more comfortable with themselves. Ones who were bullied last year kept a fiery spirit and maintained a great sense of humor this year. Ones who didn't really understand the privilege they exude because of the money they have (e.g. not realizing how much things cost, how much they spend, or that not everyone goes to Switzerland or Africa on Spring Break or during summer) are realizing this year that there are people out there who actually buy store brand products instead of name brand because they're cheaper, and for the most part, the difference is negligible.

So yes, things are looking up. It's the minor discomforts of the daily interactions with a select few individuals that takes up more real estate in my brain than it should. That's part of my growth I'd like to see this year - letting that go.

I wish parents could be more like their children, not vice versa. More later.

Lookin' Up

Today, I had not one, two, or three, but FIVE students who were so pleasant and down to earth, that it reminded me not to slip too quickly into my hood of frustration. Up until yesterday, it has really been a highly filtered, intense, segment of the population who chose to contact me.

Anyone can be pleasant when they get what they want. There is a lot to be said about how a person reacts when they do not get what they want. These kids give me hope and remind me why I am in this job.

The Good, The Bad, and the Uuuuugly

Hey all,

It felt great to be back. I used to work in business before I became a school counselor, and I never once had the feeling of excitement and anticipation of going to work, except perhaps while I was in training with other co-workers internationally who were part of the company's many accelerated progams.

To get back to the point: it feels great to be excited about work. I believe a person is most happy when their work most closely parallels their values.

To step back from being a Polyanna, there are still those days...and parts of days...where I have to take pause and remind myself why I'm in this profession. I see a lot of people who are so caught up in their own stories, that they do not, and cannot at that time, see or understand another person's views. One parent told me it was "unacceptable" that her child did not get Drawing and that it was not something the parents expect would be changed. I explained, in general, the process of requesting a class, the impact of the override, and how class conflicts are scheduled. And the fact that just because a student requests a class, does not mean they actually get it. I also mentioned how lucky these students were that they have almost 20 Visual Arts classes, 6 Performing Arts, and 6 Music Arts classes to choose from. Not to mention the myriad ensembles, a cappella groups, and other performance groups. When is too much choice, too much?

Doesn't matter. I am realizing more and more that when I am yelled at or vented to, I do best when I stick to restating the facts, hope the other party "gets it", and not get emotionally caught up in the drama. It is much healthier to approach a conversation (or in these instances, conflicts) in this manner. I did in the end try to appease her stress and that was a big mistake. In this community, I see a lot of interactions where parents are in high profile positions. These positions are typically set up where the top person delegates to their subordinates all the tasks (and associated stresses) of getting the job done. They get paid to make the strategic decision, and they pay their subordinates to carry it out.

I see a lot of these same parents approaching their relationship with the school in the same manner. The teachers and counselors are here to service their child. To remove conflicts. To "make" impossible situations (e.g. aforementioned scheduling issue) somehow possible. I am not seen as an equal nor as the professional I am. The fact that I carry with me the experience of working with over 200 students and their families every year is discounted. The fact that I know the scheduling software and scenarios inside out is underrated. The fact that I have gone to court for families, worked with attorneys in divorce and child abuse investigations, help children who drink, do drugs, attempt suicide, cut, are bullied, bully others, are beaten, beat others, are incarcerated, are just trying to survive, enjoy highschool, and find their passion, is irrelevant. Parents will hire a college counselor or psychotherapist to tell them what they want, then turn around and tell me/the school that we should listen to the specialist because we have it all wrong. What sense does it make to trust someone who has never or barely met your child over someone who works with your child every day? What happened to collaboration, is what I want to know!

It Has Begun

Hi again...

I'm embarassed to have set myself up for a daily goal for posting, and then not post for almost two months. Which is like four years, e-time, isn't it.

School has started. Today was faculty only. Tomorrow the freshmen come, then the next day all students begin.

However, I've been working the past two weeks on schedule changes. This is a little known dirty job of guidance - we are perceived as the masters of students' schedules when we are merely the pawn-messengers. We change what's possible/practical based on specs given to us. This doesn't stop people from expecting that we can work our magic to give them everything they want. And it doesn't stop them from thinking we get an evil kick out of denying their requests.

We had a failed override last year which resulted in larger class sizes, larger teaching loads, and an assortment of other restrictions. Yet, somehow, "I know the override didn't pass last year, but there is no reason why this can't be done" seems to be the battle cry taught at cocktail parties town-wide.

Did I ever tell you of the types of parties they have here in Southern Horizons? You know tupperware parties, where a person brings their wares and throws a party to have their friends purchase stuff off them (I am not a big fan of mixing relationships and financial benefit)? Here in Southern Horizons, parents have "College Expert" Parties, where they hire college experts to come in and talk to them and their friends about how to most strategically position their kids through high school to ensure Ivy League appeal come college time. Did I mention this is for parents of eighth graders?

Contrary to what it may look like above, I love my job. I love my kids. I love my co-workers. What I don't love, and what I point out, is the environment in which this exists. I do not believe it is healthy, and I wish influencing people to change for the better weren't such a resistant and combative experience at times.

Off to another day of schedule magic...I shall try to keep you updated on a more consistent basis, as this job changes every day. Well, every hour. OK, really every minute.

Have a great day, all!